Asking Eric: New boyfriend comes with a warning from his sister-in-law

Dear Eric I am a -year-old single female I often get requested out on dates with men that I am not interested in I not long ago met a man and we have been going on great dates I really enjoyed hanging out with him until his sister-in-law came to me and revealed things like don t like him don t catch feelings for him Just have fun with him and get what you can from him I still like hanging out with him Should I tell him what she noted Or just keep it to myself and just keep my guard up Dating Dilemma Dear Dating A lot depends on whether you have a pre-existing relationship with the sister-in-law If she s just coming to you out of the blue and giving you dire warnings it doesn t mean she s wrong necessarily but there s no reason for you to trust her How do you know she has your best interests in mind So keep your guard up but also talk about it with the man you ve been dating Maybe he has more insight maybe he ll have a response that gives you a different view of him maybe she s totally right If you re getting to know someone in a romantic context and their relative is talking trash about them it s very helpful to ask them why that might be Lastly think about what you want from this relationship what you re expecting and what you want to give to it As you gain more information good bad neutral it s central to weigh it against your own demands and expectations Maybe he s fine for you for now maybe you ll discover you want something more Staying clear-eyed can help you avoid getting hurt Dear Eric My wife and daughter have not gotten along well since my daughter hit middle school she s now about to turn Part of the trouble is that they are very much alike Both of them have OCD but they don t obsess over the same things which often leaves them at odds They are both in therapy and both therapists have recommended family counseling but my daughter has refused I was driving with my daughter the last evening and out of nowhere she communicated me what her complication with her mother is The only things I know about her are her favorite foods and that she has to control everything You re an open book Dad warts and all Mom won t share anything about herself that is even slightly embarrassing or that makes her seem human When I inquired her if she had shared this with her mother she replied that it was too late for that now For the the bulk part what my daughter declared was true My wife was a bit of a wild child The OCD didn t present until she was older Now she is very much closed off about her past She says it s to protect my daughter from making the same mistakes My question is do I share what my daughter declared with my wife Telling this to my wife would hurt her deeply I know they love each other but when my daughter goes off to college I feel that they will just drift apart Stuck Dad Related Articles Asking Eric Mother unsure whether to contact estranged son on deathbed Asking Eric Husband s hygiene causes big stink in marriage Asking Eric Longtime friends ignore friend s daughter s wedding Asking Eric Husband and wife divided over estranged stepchildren s inheritance Asking Eric Labor Day wedding too much work for out-of-state aunt Dear Dad I really feel for your wife she s in a cursed if you do cursed if you don t position For multiple parents it can be particularly heartbreaking when the things you do with the best intentions end up being the exact things that create a issue in your relationship with your child I think your daughter is being a bit unfair to your wife Maybe it s a by-product of where she is developmentally maybe it s merely that aspects of her personality and your wife s are like oil and water However you re in a unique position to help her see where she s being short-sighted The comment that she made to you is exactly the kind of thing that a therapist can help your family handle Talk with her about what she shared and gently remind her that what she s lamenting is a treatable trouble See if she ll agree to a set number of sessions with a counselor say three to start She may believe that it s too late to address this rift but as she grows and matures she will likely grow to regret not trying You should also tell your daughter that you re planning to share selected of what she shared with your wife And then figure out what of that feedback is actionable and have a conversation with your wife about it I doubt it s prudent at this point to tell her everything However if she can hear this feedback as an invitation to vulnerability and an indication of your daughter s curiosity it can set them on a healthier track Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com