Asking Eric: Neighbors’ yard feature ruins view

Dear Eric Nine years ago we moved into our dream retirement home We ve been incredibly happy with our choice except for one thing Our next-door neighbors moved in about a year after we did The previous owners of their home had installed a large homemade sandbox with railroad ties and a plywood covering We never saw their kids play in it and had high hopes that the new homeowners would fleetly do away with the eyesore of this sandbox Eight years later it is still there the plywood covering is caving in and it is quite visible from our dining and living room windows I ve been tempted a great number of times over the years to say something but have chosen not to We have a good relationship with our neighbors and we ve been very good neighbors helping them in multiple tactics over the years After all these years of looking at the sandbox I m having a lot of resentment that they ve done nothing to get rid of it We do not have an HOA It is their property I understand but is there any way I can approach them and ask them to get rid of it My fear is that asking them to remove it would be journeying a line Sight for Sore Eyes Dear Eyes Well first the part you already know even the best of neighbors are unlikely to make changes to their property to improve the views of the people next door If it s not bothering your neighbors or seems like too big a hassle to remove they re apparently not thinking about what it looks like from your windows This is OK People have all kinds of reasons for making improvements to their homes or not making them Try to temper your resentment by remembering that the lingering presence of the sandbox is not about you However since you have a good relationship with them you can bring it up in casual conversation without making an ask You can mention you ve noticed it s looking worse for the wear and ask if they ve ever considered getting rid of it If they re open to it you might even offer suggestions about what goes in its place By talking to them about it in this way you keep the focus on what they want rather than what you want Who knows maybe you both want the same thing and they just haven t gotten around to doing anything about it What you don t want is for them to think of your frustration every time they look at the sandbox Rather through conversation they might start to see it as an opportunity for something new Dear Eric I often need help with tech advocacy When I call I sometimes get a representative with a strong accent that I can t understand What is a polite way to address this I sometimes just thank them and hang up and call back hoping I will get someone that I understand For the record my hearing is perfect Need Help Dear Help When you call a customer amenity or help line you and the representative have the same goal solving the matter hopefully hurriedly So encountering communication issues whether they re due to a bad connection trouble understanding one another or anything else keeps everyone from their goal It s no one s fault and so it s fine to just put it out there by saying I m sorry I m having trouble understanding you Is there someone else I can speak with By phrasing it in this way you keep the focus on the goal clear communication without casting judgment on the way the representative speaks Dear Eric I m writing about the person who didn t want to discuss religion with pushy People Still Trying to Be Polite Your advice was good to give a general answer and not get into a discussion I was a therapist for years and my clients frequently felt pushed into explaining themselves when they didn t really want to We used the Broken Record Technique when this happened Pushy people usually don t take no for an answer In this incident my client and I practiced saying the same generic reply over and over never varying I don t discuss religion I don t discuss religion etc etc If pushy people see that they aren t going to get anywhere they eventually stop Related Articles Asking Eric Perfect husband refuses intimacy Asking Eric Lifelong loner struggles to make connections post-retirement Asking Eric Friends disrupt concert outings by talking Asking Eric Human conflict erupts at dog park Asking Eric Single mom wants to start relationship with handyman This is very hard for people who were taught to be polite to others But this technique is very effective with people who were not trained to consider the feelings of others Play the Record Again Dear Record This is a great tactic And folks who are worried about coming off as impolite can find a phrase that feels assured for them and repeat that The point is no one has to share any information that they don t want to Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com