Asking Eric: Minimalist daughter doesn’t want any family heirlooms

Dear Eric My -year-old daughter Lauren is relocating to California and taking only what fits in her car She s embracing a minimalist lifestyle and lately communicated me there s nothing she wants me to pass down to her I ll admit I was shocked She s the youngest in my bloodline and I dependably imagined certain heirlooms or sentimental items going to her I have two granddaughters from my stepdaughter Rachel age I m very close with both girls and have spent a lot of time with them throughout their lives Rachel the girls and their grandmother my stepdaughter s mom all live together I also have a -year-old granddaughter from my stepson I plan to box up Lauren s personal mementos and let her decide what to keep or discard that feels like a reasonable boundary But I m struggling with what to do about my heirlooms the things I imagined would carry forward as part of my family s story Do I offer them to Lauren first out of respect for her place as my biological daughter even if she seems uninterested Or is it OK to start thinking about passing things on to the step-grandchildren I feel close to who might veritably value them I m not dead yet but I d rather see these things appreciated than left in limbo How do I deal with this without forcing sentiment where it s not desired but also not letting meaningful items disappear unceremoniously Looking Ahead Dear Looking Ahead Thinking about this in advance is a wonderful idea and a beautiful sentiment It s also quite loving that you re acknowledging what Lauren requirements wants and you aren t taking it personally It can be hard when kids don t want or don t have room for heirlooms or mementos I m glad that you re finding other strategies of honoring your family history Because you ve laid such a healthy groundwork you can move forward with giving them to your stepchildren and grandchildren As you do chat with Lauren about your plan It s good to check in so that she doesn t feel blindsided but more importantly it s good to express your own requirements the need to distribute heirlooms This way the inheritance becomes clear channels of communication that allow you both to make informed decisions and to help you to sponsorship each other Dear Eric I am writing for advice concerning a -year-old complication I am one of six friends who gather each summer We are life-long friends in our late s who live all over the country We treasure these annual gatherings of connection laughter backing and love One person consistently and fully takes over group conversations with long-winded stories that focus on her life and people we don t know The situation has become a burden so much so that two of the group want to stop coming to our annual reunions Over the years we have tried to gently stop the soliloquies by encouraging topics to include everyone but this does not last long In modern years our patience has been wearing thin One year one of us brought a box of deep life questions for us to discuss during the week and established the rule that no one could talk while the one person was answering This helped but felt a bit artificial for people who have been friends for more than years The conversation buster is very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily We care for her and value our friendship but have grown weary of her dominance The five of us have discussed the situation at length and recognize our own responsibility in letting this happen over the years What advice do you have for us to restore the conversation equilibrium and enjoyment of our time together Related Articles Asking Eric After ugly comments brother invites himself to party Asking Eric Friend s dog not welcome in the pool Asking Eric After a rift and a breakdown sister-in-law wants to rebuild relationship Asking Eric Mother can t accept daughter s unambitious husband Asking Eric New boyfriend comes with a warning from his sister-in-law Ear-Weary Friends Dear Friends I have good news and bad news The bad news after years I m not sure that equilibrium restoration is viable Was it ever present It sounds like the group has formed around your sixth friend s loquaciousness or at least in spite of it Is it realistic to hope that your sixth friend will fully change the way she interacts with you She may have decided all evidence to the contrary that this is what you like The good news after years you have a lot of goodwill banked Now yes she is sensitive but I believe you can be a little less gentle without being less kind You can have a one-on-one conversation with her before your next gathering and use I statements like I sometimes find it hard to get a word in or to feel like we re in conversation You can ask her if she d feel all right about you being more assertive about a redirect And should all else fail the group can call it out in the moment and directly ask her to change curriculum Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for 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