Asking Eric: Father-in-law and life coach interfere with marriage

Dear Eric Several years ago I moved to the U S from Europe to marry my wife Her father agreed to advocacy us financially until my work authorization was approved Around the time of the approval my wife suffered a severe mental soundness predicament and needed time to recover My father-in-law hired a life coach and my wife and I worked with her to get our finances and household in order It took me longer to find a job than was agreed upon My FIL demanded that I go home to Europe I was advised I would not be allowed to return home until I revealed a job The life coach described me my wife would be cut off financially if she allowed me back into our marital home Every time I came close to finding work my FIL raised the bar for what he expected of me I became angry about being forcibly separated from my wife as we loved each other very much and neither of us wished to be apart but she then broke up with me I assume under the direction of the life coach At the moment I am working and living with my parents back in Europe and I am considering taking legal action against my FIL and the life coach but I fear that doing so will further alienate my wife I am still very angry but also aware that anger can cloud my judgment Could there be any other curriculum of action I could take that I am missing A Lost Celt Dear Celt I doubt legal action would get you the results you want You and your wife were in vulnerable positions What you needed was control over your own destiny At this point that control starts with choosing acceptance If your wife is not open to online counseling or reconciliation with you then you have to accept that the relationship has ended and give her the space she s asking for Related Articles Asking Eric Divorced daughter moved back in but won t move on Asking Eric Intergenerational work besties get stink eye from other friends Asking Eric Daughter refuses to cash check Asking Eric Good Samaritan gets hefty reward for first aid Asking Eric Tween daughter starts talking back This may be for the best for you as it s hard if not impossible to build a marriage when a third party is making demands and telling you where you can and can t go This isn t sustainable and for it to work you d need to make your own decisions and act independently There were a lot of cooks in the proverbial kitchen with a life coach a father-in-law and the U S Citizenship and Immigration Services Right now step away from the stove Work on healing and determining what you need going forward Dear Eric My beloved husband of years is seriously ill with a poor prognosis and is concerned about leaving money to his four children from a previous marriage When we met Mike had been divorced for five years I had wealth Mike had a great job with a secure pension for his life and also a lot of debt Essentially no net worth I did not mind paying everything off We also helped his children and grands financially and were generous with gifts It is a wonderful marriage He is my best friend ever I will be devastated to lose him There is no money to give his four adult children after he passes He has no life insurance I would have to withdraw from my retirement account which is modest now I would have liked to be close with his kids but they are not warm Since their father got sick things have been more strained All four have undermined their dad s confidence in his doctors and in my care for him One called me evil and declared that I have not cared for him properly My husband described them all directly that but for my care he would not even be alive He is doing much better at present but the prognosis is dire After that sad future day comes I am strongly disinclined to withdraw what I will need to give to people who do not like me For Mike s sake I am considering doing just that anyway His kids have no idea that although their dad made good money he had none set aside I appreciate your advice Can t Help but Think Ahead Dear Think Ahead I implore you not to imperil your financial safeguard in order to leave money to your stepchildren They are responding unfairly perhaps partially out of grief I say this with kindness you may also be responding out of grief But this money won t heal the part of you that s been hurt by them Mike requirements to tell his children about his finances and help them manage their expectations about what he s going to leave them And he should do that now on his own You and he should also talk with a lawyer to make sure your plans are clear and you re protected Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com